Scary Future Plans

So today in Ireland, thousands and thousands of students were told whether or not they got in to college or not. 

I wasn't one of those students (still unsure whether I'm sad or relieved) but I will be one of them around this time next year. In Ireland, we have to do a series of final exams called the Leaving Cert, and the prospect of doing that next June terrifies me. I just don't seem old/mature enough to have potentially nine months of secondary school left.

I don't even have a clear indication of what I want to do in life. All I know is I want to do art, but I don't know whether I want to teach it, use it as a form of therapy or be an animator.

There's many things that people my age are expected to be too young to understand, yet we're supposed to be capable of choosing what we want to do for the rest of our lives, which is pretty stressful. It doesn't seem fair in a way. Irish students are made compete for points, not grades. It's like a video game where the more points you earn, the better the prize, and that prize being the college of your choice. 

I'm not even sure what I'm aiming at in this post, I just seem to be rambling on about the scary thoughts of school, college and the future. The future doesn't scare me exactly, it's just very difficult to plan a future when you don't know what you want to do, you don't know what country you'll be living in, your financial standing, nothing. The majority of your future seems to be dictated by what you choose to get a degree in, and if you fuck up and choose the wrong one, you're doomed to be completely unsatisfied in life, until you have a revelation and go back to do a part time/night course. Or if you're lucky you can change courses after the first year but that's spending unnecessary money.

A lot is expected of people my age, one of the most important decisions of my life is looming over me and all I can do is hope I choose the right one.